taken from:
By Mary Beth Sammons - Jan 13, 2012
Mary L.'s son is
afraid to get on the school bus. As this Circle of Moms member recalls,
"While we were standing there waiting for the bus, some other kids started
physically fighting and he saw it and he absolutely refused to get on."
With so many headlines
highlighting the issue of bullies on the bus, it’s not uncommon these days for
kids to harbor this particular anxiety. But fear of the school bus is just one
of the common phobias Circle of Moms members find their grade school-age kids
struggling with. Others include fears of tests, the dark, and flying; of
barking dogs, and of death.
But even if your child
is afraid of something more unusual, the remedies are often the same. Here,
Circle of Moms members share tips to help children who are struggling with
fears and phobias.
1. Reassure Them That
They're Normal
Many moms report that
kids tend to relax at least a little when they don't feel alone in their fears.
Linda H., Tracie D., and Alicia K. all suggest letting your child know that his
fear is perfectly normal. Tracie tells her daughter that "it's okay to be
afraid of things. Everyone is afraid of something. But it's not okay to let
that fear control her." And Alicia K., whose 7-year-old son is afraid of
dying, reassures him that "most people are afraid of dying.”
2. Empower Them with
Knowledge
Another way to face
fears is to look them squarely in the eye. Tracie, who describes herself as a
"knowledge is power" kind of parent, suggests equipping your child
with information about whatever he is afraid of: "We do research. . . to
take some of the mystery out of it. So far it’s been bees, spiders, ghosts and
monsters. I have her practice visualizing her fear in a silly way (spider
wearing a dress and a hat with a feather doing a jig) to ease the
tension."
For kids who are
afraid of dying or of losing a parent or grandparent, Alicia K. recommends
addressing the fear in an honest and matter of fact way. ”My seven-year-old. .
. is afraid of dying or of those close to him dying. I cannot alleviate this
fear or reassure him that we will not die. I usually tell him that we are
pretty healthy and should do things to keep [ourselves] healthy, like eat right
and exercise. I have done relaxation with him and encouraged him not to live
his life in fear, but I will not lie to him. I cannot predict the future.”
3. Encourage Them to
Face the Fear
Another way to
alleviate a child’s fears is to gradually increase his exposure to whatever it
is that he fears while staying at his side and comforting him. Several Circle
of Members report that they've had success with this approach and that their
kids gave up their fears more readily if they were both encouraged and
supported through the process.
Cathi S., whose son
was afraid of dogs, recommend direct exposure. As she explains, “You need to
take him to a family member's house and/or a friend’s house [where there is] a
dog and slowly reintroduce him to dogs. You need to let him know that not all
dogs will attack you and show him as well.”
Linda H. used a
similar but more intense form of confrontation to confront the fear of dogs:
she got a dog for her son. While he quickly embraced his new pet, he "was
fearful at first if another dog approached" when they were out walking.
She reports though that "after a few times out he was fine" and that
he is now "a changed boy."
4. Teach Self-Soothing
Tracie D. and Alicia
K. both recommend equipping your child with self soothing skills so that he can
calm himself down and think more clearly while facing a fear. Tracie, the mom
who gives her daughter lots of information about the things she fears, says
they also work on relaxing using breathing techniques. "The combination
really seems to work and she has become quite good at controlling her emotions,
which benefits her in many other situations as well.”
5. Give Your Child As
Much Control as Possible
Many kids, including
Mindy F.'s 16-year-old daughter, are afraid of the dark well beyond the toddler
years. For kids with night phobias, Mindy has found that giving her daughter
the option of keeping a light on — or even the TV — is usually "enough to
empower her." Mindy explains that "whatever she feels comfortable
having in her control is what I allow," because kids can so easily
"feel overwhelmed by the unknown.”
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